Smoke and Colors
by Nokado
Summary: Ichigo always liked to sing but after his mother died, he didn't sing even a note. It was hard to find another thing to feel so passionate about. When he finally decided to try it again, another horrible thing happened. Now without any memory and a single thought of being a Soul Reaper, will he be able to do what his heart desires?
1. The Pain That I Will Leave Behind

A new story about music. This story is something special for me because my whole life is around music. Every day starts and finishes with a song.

Today's special song is " **Viva La Vida** " by Coldplay. But I prefer the nightcore version created by **Extreme Extremity**.

Full summary:

Ichigo always liked to sing, he wanted to be a singer when he grow up but after his mother died, he didn't sing even a note. It was hard to find another thing to feel so passionate about. When he finally decided to try it again, another horrible thing happened. Now without any memory and a single thought of being a Soul Reaper, will he be able to do what his heart desires? And why some brown haired man is so interested in him?

Extra: The title is the name of the song too. If you're interested then you should listen to it. Full of emotions, like the every song Nomy creates.

 ** _*cookie*_**

Ichigo was laying in his bed, alone. No one could break the silence he felt in his heart. His mind was full of songs he heard and sang a long time ago. But his mouth was held shut, no sound was coming from it. He wanted to sing but after everything what happened, he couldn't bring himself to do that.

He still remembered how much his mother loved his voice when he was just a little child. To be honest she was the person who discovered his 'talent'. She said that he couldn't leave it and started going with him on the singing lessons.

He felt so much warm in his heart when his mom was smiling and applausing.

He smiled a bit because of this memory.

But then his smile fell down.

His mother died when he was nine years old. He watched as her eyes lost the light.

He sighed.

But still didn't make any sound.

He covered his body with his comforter. He closed his eyes.

And silently choked on his own tears.

 ** _cookie*_**

He was in his English class. He was bored to the bone. He looked through the window.

It's not like he could see anything anymore.

He lost his powers about a year ago. Even after such a long time he still felt weak.

Mentally and physically.

Mentally because he was still remembering his fight with Grimmjow, Nnoitra, Ulquiorra, Yammy, Gin, watching Gin die, the final fight with Aizen, the 'traitor'. It's been such draining time, he shivered on the memory.

Psychically... Yes, definitely he did feel weak. From time to time his hands were starting to shake on their own. Or he just was having a hard time thinking or calming himself down. Maybe it was some kind of 'panic attack'? Maybe, he couldn't bring himself to tak about it with his dad. He couldn't bring himself to admit how weak he felt.

He felt kind of afraid to tak about his 'problems'.

He didn't know if his dad could 'understand'. He felt kind of 'afraid' of his dad. Afraid of his reaction, would he react like Rukia after his 'fight' with Grimmjow? Just throw him into another fight and force him to 'forget'?

"Are you feeling alright, Ichigo?" He looked up from his notebook, he didn't even notice when his head fell down.

"Sorry, just a headache." He watched silently as she rolled his eyes. But didn't comment.

He waited uncomfortably until this lesson ended. He sighed and groaned when he picked up his backpack. His back was feeling sore and he didn't know why. But he felt tired, too tired for this to be normal.

"Everything alright?" Chad asked as he took Ichigo's backpack from him. Ichigo sat down and laid his head against the cold wall.

"Maybe I should just go home." He said aloud. He closed his eyes.

"Kurosaki-kun?" He opened his eyes and looked at Orihime. He smiled a little.

"I'm alright, just a headache. Just a one lesson left and it's weekend." He yawned and tried to relax. "Just one lesson."

 ** _cookie*_**

"Finally." Ichigo said and closed his door. He thrown his backpack near his desk and sat in his chair and relaxed. But something didn't feel right. He walked to his wardrobe, just a habit from having Rukia there, and opened it.

He froze.

He didn't even notice when his eyes fell on a forgotten guitar. It didn't look special: just a single brown guitar.

He watched it but it didn't disappear. He closed his eyes and slowly opened them.

It was still there.

He closed them again and leaned against the door of the closet. He remembered his father forcing him to take it our of the cellar so he could take something else there. He tried to calm himself down.

He opened his eyes and closed the door.

He laid himself down on the bed.

And fell asleep.

 ** _cookie*_**

He woke up around 6:00 AM. He couldn't sleep again so he got up and slowly prepared for the next empty day to survive. Luckily it was Saturday so no school. He took a long and relaxing shower, changed the clothes and decided to go out, to run and get rid of the emotions he felt.

He grabbed his headphones and forget about the world's problems, about the world and everything what was surrounding him. He just ran to the rhythm of the music.

He liked running but without the music it was nothing to him. He felt every word the singer has sung, every emotion it brought and it was amazing.

He didn't even notice when his phone showed him that he ran just the right amount of kilometers and it's time to slow down and rest a bit. So he did and sat down near the pond with koi fishes. It reminded him of Byakuya's and Ukitake's home. A few of the fishes slowly but eagerly swam to him. He smiled softly and breathed the sweet scent of the sakura's tree.

After a few minutes or maybe even a more than few, his phone called. He picked it up.

"Hello?"

"Ichigo, where are you?" His father sounded more serious than usually.

"I'm..." He looked around. "I'm in the park, did something happened?"

"Get out of here-!" Ichigo didn't hear what his father was trying to tell him, a large explosion hit somewhere around him. He quickly got up and slowly walked to the place it hit. He was still holding his phone in his hand but he couldn't hear anything his father was saying until the line went dead.

"Another hollow?" Ichigo asked himself. After the smoke has fallen down, he saw nothing. But after moment he heard something and he fell to the ground a few meters away from the center of the explosion.

He felt blood in his mouth. He heard a long and high whistle, nothing more. He couldn't feel his leg or his body, like he was...

Dying?

 ** _cookie*_**

He woke up at Urahara's shop. He was in a lot of pain and it was hard to stay conscious.

"Easy, don't move around too much." He heard someone. But he was too tired to stay up. So he didn't.

 ** _cookie*_**

Next time was much more pleasant than before. He was in his bed and nothing hurt too much. Bereable so he sigh in relief.

"Are you feeling okay?" His father asked. Ichigo slowly got up and sat down.

"Better than before." He said and rolled his shoulders. "Kinda sore still."

"Not a surprise." Isshin said. "don't move too much."

"What happened?" Ichigo looked at him. "What day it is?"

"It's Wednesday. Almost 6:00 PM." Ichigo was shocked.

"I slept almost three days?"

"Yes. So don't over-exhaust yourself. I'll bring you something to eat, wait." Ichigo nodded and he laid down. He closed his eyes.

After a few minutes, his father came to his room. He thanked him for the breakfast and slowly started eating. He didn't feel hungry but he thought it was a good idea to eat something.

"Hey." His father said. Ichigo looked up. He didn't feel hungry anymore, not like he felt hungry before. "Are you... Okay? I mean-." Isshin stopped. "Are you... Since you lost your powers, are you doing okay? We noticed that you became more distant and..." Ichigo knew he didn't know how to talk about this.

"I'm... Fine." Ichigo lied. "Nothing out of order." He shrugged.

"This is your main problem, Ichigo." Isshin seemed a bit... Angry and stressed out. "You think you are okay, you definitely are not. You think you are fine and the same but you are-."

"How can I be normal when you all left me behind and acted like it was okay?!" Ichigo couldn't do that anymore, couldn't listen this anymore. He was breathing hard and felt his hand shaking. "Come on, just admit that I'm not the same person as I was, just admit it! I'll never be the same person, it's all because of you!"

But his father said nothing. He just stared for a moment and then turn around leaving the room.

Ichigo was shaking badly, he laid the plate on the ground and he started feeling something he didn't feel in a while.

The fear.

cookie*

After a long night, Ichigo closed his eyes. He didn't sleep at all. He was too scared to fell asleep. He was really tired and his body started to hurt again. his eyes were hurting. His headache was a bit less bereable but he looked through the window. It was the time he was supposed to leave.

But he was supposed to stay in. So he wasn't going to complain. He laid down again and closed his eyes.

 ** _cookie*_**

He waited until his father and sisters left. He sighed but couldn't sleep. Ichigo thought about the guitar again. about his past.

His mother.

He got up and walked to the wardrobe again. But didn't open it instantly. He thought again. And opened it.

The guitar was still there. Still the same guitar. Slowly he grabbed it. It almost felt like it sighed in relief.

He sat in his chair. He slowly tuned it and tried doing this again. It felt...

Right.

He sighed and slowly tried to find his own voice.

He slowly played the song his mother taught him.

 _"I used to rule the world..._

 _Seas would rise when I gave the word..._

 _Now in the morning I sleep alone..._

 _Sweep the streets I used to own..."_

He slowly started. At the beginning his voice wasn't strong or loud.

 _"I used to roll the dice..._

 _Feel the fear in my enemy's eyes..._

 _Listened as the crowd would sing..._

 _Now the old king is dead long live the king._

 _One minute I held the key,_

 _Next the walls were closed on me,_

 _And I discovered that my castles stand,_

 _Upon pillars of salt and pillars of sand."_

He focused on the emotions. On everything hidden in this words.

 _" I hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing,_

 _Roman cavalry choirs are singing,_

 _Be my mirror, my sword and shield,_

 _My missionaries in a foreign field,_

 _For some reason I can't explain,_

 _Once you'd gone there was never,_

 _Never an honest word,_

 _And that was when I ruled the world."_

He sang more and more. And finally the last things were to sang.

 _"Hear Jerusalem bells a-ringing,_

 _Roman cavalry choirs are singing,_

 _Be my mirror, my sword and shield,_

 _My missionaries in a foreign field,_

 _For some reason I can't explain,_

 _I know St. Peter won't call my name,_

 _Never an honest word,_

 _But that was when I ruled the world..."_

And this is how the new story began.


	2. Never Ever Say Never, Whatever Happens

**winghardtlisa** \- the name of the song is Coldplay - Viva la Vida

* * *

Today's song is by **Erwin Van De Weijer - Skin (Rag'n'Bone Man acoustic cover)**. Find out a few minutes ago. Already in love.

* * *

23.09.2018 / 16.11.2018

* * *

 ** _*cookie*_**

* * *

He felt... lighter. Like some kind of pressure was suddenly gone just by that small activity. He felt... strange.

He slowly opened his eyes, still holding the instrument tightly. He checked the strings and started playing another song.

 _"When I heard that sound,_  
 _When the walls came down,_  
 _I was thinking about you,_  
 _About you..._  
 _When my skin grows old,_  
 _When my breath runs cold,_  
 _I'll be thinking about you,_  
 _About you..._

 _Seconds from my heart,_  
 _A bullet from the dark,_  
 _Helpless, I surrender,_  
 _Shackled by your love..._  
 _Holding me like this,_  
 _With poison on your lips,_  
 _Only when it's over,_  
 _The silence hits so hard..._

 _'Cause it was almost love, it was almost love..._  
 _It was almost love, it was almost love..._

 _When I heard that sound,_  
 _When the walls came down,_  
 _I was thinking about you,_  
 _About you._  
 _When my skin grows old,_  
 _When my breath runs cold,_  
 _I'll be thinking about you,_  
 _About you."_

* * *

Ichigo didn't even notice when the whole house was filled with his beautiful voice. It was soft but at the same time strong and full of emotions. Full of hope.

And when Isshin opened the door, it was not what he expected.

He didn't hear Ichigo's voice like this since Masaki passed away. He smiled a bit but he was a bit worried. How he was going to explain the things he had to?

 _"I reached out for your hand..._  
 _When the walls were caving in..._  
 _But I see you on the other side..._  
 _We can try all over again..._

Sad realization filled his heart. Isshin knew who it was about.

 _When I heard that sound,_  
 _When the walls came down,_  
 _I was thinking about you,_  
 _About you._  
 _When my skin grows old,_  
 _When my breath runs cold,_  
 _I'll be thinking about you,_  
 _About you..._

He slowly walked to the door to Ichigo's room. He knocked and opened the door.

The sounds went dead. Ichigo quickly turned around and looked at him with shocked eyes.

" Ichigo, you-."

" No, it's not what it looks like." Ichigo panicked.

" Ichigo-."

"No!" Ichigo thrown the guitar on his bed and his his head in his hands. Isshin slowly walked to him.

"No, you're not going to take everything from me again!" Ichigo started to panic but Isshin grabbed his shoulders and held him while Ichigo tried to calm himself down. "No, no, no, no, no..."

"Ichigo, calm down."

"No, I promised her... I promised mom I won't touch it again." Ichigo said, his eyes going everywhere except for his father.

"Ichigo what are you talking about?"

"Everything what happened was because of me!" He screamed. "I took her away! It's my fault he is dead!"

"Ichigo." Isshin tried again. "It's no one's fault."

"It's mine-."

"No, it's not." Isshin cut his sentence. "Is this the reason why you didn't want to touch any instrument again?" He grabbed his head in his arms when Ichigo didn't answer. "Shh... It's totally fine."

They stayed like this for a while. Then Ichigo suddenly got up and walked to the door.

"Ichigo-."

"I need to take a walk."

"Ichigo, listen-."

But Ichigo was already gone.

* * *

Ichigo slowed down. After he ran away from home, he was getting more and more tired.

He didn't believe he did that. He felt disgusted with himself. He promised he won't touch it again and he broke that promise. He was feeling bad, really bad.

He looked around and sighed shakily. He closed his eyes.

It started raining.

He remembered the words he heard from his Zanpaktou. How he hated the rain. He wondered if in his inner world it was raining too...

He sighed again. He was in the middle of nowhere, he didn't recognize this place. He grabbed his phone and started walking home.

"Ichigo?" He heard his dad ask.

"Dad, I'm so sorry I snapped like that." Ichigo said feeling guilty again. "It's just... Weird to hear myself again and things like that."

"Don't worry, I understand."

"I miss mom." He suddenly said.

"Ichigo, we all miss her, you are not alone."

"I'm sorry I took her away." Ichigo waited for the lights to change color.

"You didn't. It was an accident." The lights changed, he walked through the street, not hearing the car rushing at him.

"Dad, I'm glad you-." He didn't finish, he felt like everything slowed down.

His side connected with the front of the car, his neck almost snapped and his body rolled through the car and fell down like an abandoned doll. His mind was repeatedly re-doing the accident all over again and again and his head hit the ground, he felt blood, a lot of blood and the screams, the blood, the gasoline mixed together but it wasn't the loudest thing he heard.

The loudest thing he heard was his dad screaming and calling his name.

And to his horrified voice Ichigo slowly closed his eyes hearing only one phrase.

 _"It was almost love, it was almost love..."_

* * *

Ichigo heard the soft voices around him. He was breathing slowly and deeply. He felt his chest rising and slowly going down. He was feeling good, relaxed. But someone or something was touching his stomach, the insides of his stomach. It didn't feel relaxing at all, he groaned a bit and tried to roll his head but someone made him move his head to the same position as it was before and held it in place.

"Wait a bit, sweetheart. Doctor's almost finished."

Then his leg started feeling as weird as the stomach. Almost even weirder. But he couldn't move them, he started shaking.

"Easy there, don't panic." Did anyone calm down when someone said to do so? I don't think so, well, Ichigo probably didn't think like that too. But before he could complain, he was already gone in his thoughts and in dreamless space he called sleep.

* * *

Starrk stirred in his sleep, not feeling good enough to move at all. But his other half had different plans than he had.

"C'mon Starrk, stop being your sorry ass and get up! We don't have much time!" He rolled his eyes, not feeling like it did change anything in his mind.

"You're too loud, it's not like they aren't going to notice we're still alive in a real world. Might as well rest 'till they get there." Because of this sentence, his head was hit by Lilynette. Or her hand.

"You lazy man, how we are the same person?!" He stretched and yawned. He stopped in his tracks when he heard something being... hit? "Whoa, what was that?"

He slowly walked to the source of the sound. He noticed that someone looking really strangely was laying on the ground in the pool of blood and someone else speeding away. He frowned and moved closer.

"Do you recognize him?" He asked Lilynette.

"No. But I think I've felt him before, in Hueco Mundo." He touched the man with his left hand, right ready to attack. He didn't look dangerous but Starrk wanted to be sure it wasn't any kind of a trap set by Soul Society.

He looked up and noticed someone going in their direction.

"It's Shinigami." His other half said. He got up. "What are you going to do?"

"Something probably really stupid."


End file.
